Finding My Holiday in Quarantine — Glitter for Breakfast

I have joined the “birthday in quarantine” club, and I hope that it will be a one-time event, not because I want to celebrate my birthday normally (though I do), but because the idea of still being here in December of next year makes me want to scream. After a Thanksgiving that was actually lovely and allowed for a lot of rest and nice family moments rather than high stress, ovens going non-stop, clean up into the wee hours, and at least one person having put their foot in their mouth once (or more), I wasn’t totally dreading my birthday. In fact, a few days beforehand, I decided that pandemic or not, it will always be my favorite day and it was therefore going to be a great day. Truth be told, aside from dinner being at home with my parents rather than at a restaurant with my parents and closest friends, my day was more or less just what it would have been in the before times.

Surprisingly, it was Hanukkah and the rest of this holiday season that feel different to me. I’m ashamed to say that until this year, I have only lit menorahs at my family’s house (I have a somewhat irrational fear of burning down my apartment/building) and so Hanukkah has kind of come and gone since I’ve been at college. This year, my parents brought me one of our family menorahs and it was wonderful. Those moments each night when I chose which color candles I wanted to use, lit the candles, and sang the prayers, it felt right in a way that so much doesn’t feel right at the moment.

It would be easy to say that it was just because it’s a tradition from childhood and something deeply familiar, but actually, it goes much deeper. It is only recently that I have come to embrace being Jewish. It’s not that I hid it before or anything like that, but I didn’t grow up around many Jews and this time of year always made me feel left out and wishing that I too could celebrate Christmas. In recent years I’ve gotten to know so many more Jewish people, in fact of my closest friends, three of them are Jewish. One of the doormen in my building is Jewish and he and I will chat about things like favorite challahs or holiday celebrations with family. It feels strange to even type this but, it makes a difference. My middle/elementary school had a large population of people who belonged to a country club that didn’t allow Jews (among others); the upper campus abutted the club. There were houses where I wasn’t welcome, birthday parties I wasn’t invited to, and of course comments made about “people like us.”

Seeing a dreidel included in the “Holidays on Fifth” lights display really meant a lot to me (as do the decorations at my local Morton Williams).

This year has been a time for reflection, action, and having hard conversations. One of those conversations for me, was about my relationship to being Jewish and how my experiences growing up shaped who I am, my activism and allyship, and how I can use them to strengthen my activism and allyship or co-conspiratorship (a term I have heard on a few podcasts and seen in IG posts which I prefer). I still love a lot of things about Christmas (and always will)- the lights, the movies, the songs, but now they don’t feel like something taunting me; they’re simply parts of the Christmas celebrations that I can learn about and appreciate.

How are you celebrating the holidays this year? Do you know a great holiday lights spot in the NYC-area?